最近，我又变奇怪了
开始抱着被我搁在一旁的它入眠
心想，我怎么了？
不是说好把它搁在一旁就好吗？
怎么最近又爱上抱它的行为呢？
怀里的它，让我又想起曾经的一切。
曾经的片段，不停的在脑子里闪烁。
曾经的感觉，依然停留在内心深处。
这一刻
我终于明白
种种的就算。。。。
就算把它搁在一旁
就算眼尾不瞄它一眼
就算剥夺他的权利
就算决定不透漏
就算控制自己思绪
就算回避感觉
就算不听那几首歌
就算再怎么压抑
昨天的一切，像是刚发生的事
眼前的一切，依然是催泪剂
过去的一切
做过的决定
放弃的伤害
内心的纠痛
仍然悠然一新的烙在心里
原来我不曾忘记往日的一切
原来惆怅的感觉不曾离我而去
原来我忽略了夜夜不断响起的心碎声
原来我用功课麻醉自己
原来我又再次地往后退了
原来我不曾对我自己好过
原来我在不知不觉中折磨自己
原来。。。。。。。
5 comments:
woot! then treat yourself better. offer yourself a spa during a vacation, or we go lagoon together, enjoy that kinda happiness you provide yourself, because you're the master of your life, no one can take away your opportunities & choices!!! do whatever as long as you revel in it, as permitted by law lah of course.
keke. Kick those guys off your boat lah~ ma fan lah~
i need to remain anonymous so that i won't receive any thrown eggs~ wa~
how you remain anonymous? your name appeared so big at top! haha.
aiyo, what i mean with hurting myself was, i never acknowledge and confront to my feelings as i should. i keep on avoiding. the more i avoid, the more i reclutant to face, the more i hurt myself. neh, the defence mechanism lo. lol. fruedian fruedian freudian!!hahah.
wei, now you have that awareness wert, wait for what? still stubborn don't wanna change a BIT? just a BIT wor?
I don't demand you to change lah, but you seem to realize that you've sensed that you need one. at least one that can make yourself feel better~
I did change la my dear, but A BIT la. At least I dare to admit my weakness, and confront to those triggers.
The only thing I cant change is the reclutant to accept others NOW.
I realize there is a need for myself to not being so self-conscious and excessive self-control.
self-control is your family value, very hard to disobey it. unless you give yourself a chance to really explore it deeper as in through counseling then decide what kinda values u really aim at in life.
Post a Comment