Memorable April 2013

Dear Rachel in April 2013,

Beginning of the month - May 2013, a brand new starts to myself... A new self always shaped by the past experiences, hence, in order to keep these memories, I am here to write up a summary of what were happened in April 2013...

April 2013.. Seriously, it's indeed a tough month for me in my life so far.. Seriously... I am overwhelmed with all kinds of negatives messages and emotions.. For I am facing endless painfulness and despair feelings throughout the entire month of April.. Though I covered it well, but somehow the tortures are sufficient to tear my heart into thousand pieces and bleed everyday silently without anyone knows about this, but exceptional to those whom I shared with..
(I was thinking, perhaps, I am having all the good things all these while and now He is trying to take away something from me and placed various obstacles on my path to test if I am strong enough to accept the best He arranges for me later in my life)

Difficulties or dilemmas in April 2013:-

Career:
A new opportunity in career:

• Have been worked in this company for more than 2years, everything happens just as planned. Joined as Junior Consultant, then got promoted as Senior Consultant by December 2012, and eventually undergone probation of 6months to become Team Lead officially. I was assigned to guide 2juniors within these 6months. The appraisal estimated will be done by June 2013. 
• Well, I have to say that the relationship between both of the juniors and myself is just wonderful and pleasant.
• As everything happens as planned, so I never apply or look for new career opportunity. 
• However, Feb 2013, a long-waited-yet-unexpected opportunity approached!! Surprise!! A manager from one of my top 5 companies called for interview. Normally I would just reject the invitation, but I just couldn't resist myself from saying "NO" to this invitation.. So, I accepted his invitation without any second thoughts occurred. 
• Attended 4 rounds interview with all the managers and directors.. The whole recruitment process took around 2months to reach the final stage - shortlisted for hiring and peding for offer package... Excited!!
• Oh yes! How could I decline this offer? Definitely YES!! Everything just matched my expectation!
• Commencement date in negotiation.. And, I am very much anticipate the upcoming changes in my career and life!

Dilemma begun:-

• As waited for the offer, attended another interview from the another company.. recommended by colleague..
• Oh crap! This is where the dilemma begins! 
• Offer letter presented in front of me immediately after the interview session with the managers.. Salary offered is higher than my dream company.. Opportunity or career path is somewhat similar in my current company.. And it is what I wished to get from my current company also, just that things changed due to the politics... Oh gosh!!
• My dream company provided the exposure and professionalism I am craving for; and yet this new company provided the leadership and authorities I am craving for.. Crap! 
• So, which path to choose?
• Had various discussion with friends, buddies and parents.. confusing.. The more I discussed, the more I confused myself. 

Doubts:-

• Should I trust you for you are my manager? 
• Should I trust you for you are my senior and team leader?
• Should I trust you for you are my colleague?
• Should I trust you for you are my country manager?
• Should I trust you for you are my candidate?
• Should I trust you for you are my potential future boss?
• Should I??????

Other issues raised unexpectedly:-

• Rumors, gossips and pretenders sometimes seriously kills!!
• I never expect that myself will be the target for the rumors and gossip!
• And because of these rumors, I decided to leave this company no matter how! This is just a hell for me! 
• Oh crap! Seriously, I just hate you all! You all made it! I rarely have such strong hatreds on people.. 
• Rumor 1:
• "She is too close with the juniors.. "
• "She is the rumors creator among the juniors.. "
• "She is teaching the juniors being disrespectful to the seniors.. "
• "She is the one who spreads the negative energies to the juniors to demotivate them in achieving sales... "
• "She is the one who teaches the junior not to obey or comply to the KPI.. "
• "She is the one who persuades juniors to look for other opportunity rather than staying in this company.." 
• Rumor 2: 
• "She used dirty trick to get sales.. "
• "She used her body to exchange sales and closure.. "
• "She is unprofessional.. "
• "She is just those 5354 woman.."
• Rumor 3: 
• "She is trying to override your authority... "
• "See, your team members all sides hers... "
• "She is just disrespectful to you... "
• "Her wings are hard enough already, so she doesn't need guidance anymore... "
• "She never respects you as her senior though.. "
• "Her sales are far more than yours, that's why she never take your advices seriously.."
• Know what?! These rumors just break my hearts and my impression on you guys! We have been colleague relationship for 2years more and I just never expect that you all will attacked me in such harsh way.. Does this benefit either one of you? How fake you all! I am just regret that I only able to discover all these after 2years.. I am seriously got affected by these... 

Relationship:

• The sudden detachment with an unexpected reason from you really hard to convince me that we are done.. The given reason was just simply nonsense I would say.. 
• Those sweets and lovely moments in the past seems nothing to you and apparently you were not appreciated at all.
• The coldness, coolness and assertiveness from you, seriously, I feel heartache each day.. 
• Checking on the time stamp in Whatsapp of you and her is even drives me crazy.. Why don't you just tell me that you have another new target but gave me the lame reason? 
• The broken heart and the broken bridge that connects both souls, did you aware of that? 
• Do you aware that you had broke this fragile heart and bridge deliberately again? Twice! 
• Do you know that I do have the choice to not to accept you for the second time back on November? But I chose to re-accept you and obviously I am giving you the second chance to hurt me again.. Am I stupid? 
• Why can't you appreciate of what I have done for you? Why can't you treasure the time that I chose to spend with you? Why can't you see that I am sincerely treating them nice and love to mingle around with them? Why can't you see the compromises? Why cant you try to be understanding and get to know the reasons behind? Why you are so ego and self-centered?
• Seriouslyy, this despair yet dreadful feeling really kills me.. But I know, you just wouldn't care at all..
• But, the conflict, the complicated relationship seriously affected my performance.. I just hate it.. Arg!
• I have sent you all the diaries I wrote in this month, mostly the feelings I have on this relationship, but never get your replies.. Or may be yes, few words.. Again, the heart bleed even more upon the receipt of your replies. 
• Your cruelness, sufficient to sentence me undoubtedly, to death.. 

With all these happened, my emotional seriously got affected and ya, it's just as if living in hell, for both internal and external.. Emotional unstable, doubt on myself, doubt on the trusts and friendship, doubt on my capabilities etc..

In April, I tried hard to pretend that I m ok.. I tried hard to ignore everything that happened.. I tried hard to not to confront myself.. I tried hard to escape from the ugly truths.. I tried hard to lie myself that everything is just a dream or liar.. I tried hard to convince myself that everything will be fine.. I tried hard to this and that, which I do not practice normally.... In short, I just don't want to face the reality, ya, trying to be denial... Ya, denial for a month! 

On 30th, I met you again, unexpectedly, oh crap! Things just challenging my borderline seriously!! I am questioning myself repeatedly, "Am I able to cope with the uncertainties within myself and still being professional"? No answer from myself, but I know I have to no mater how...

Oh! Please! Arg!

Why I never be informed that you are invited? Do you see the struggles? No! Do you see the uncertainty in my eyes? No! Do you feel the tense? No! Do you see the trembles on my hands? No! Gosh! I shouldn't have expect anything from you! I just need to remain as calm as I can and host the meeting and get the mission accomplished, I still have to be the role model and be professional. Oh well, yeah! Everything just happened as I wished..

Finally.. Thank God! I made it!

But... Crapped! Emotionally collapsed in the late evening after read your message! I cried for 3 hours in the office! Ya.. I cried again!! Crazily.. Luckily there was no one in the office!! Know what? I have used all my tears quota for the year.. So, I promised to myself, this gonna be the last time to cry for all these, I have to be mentally strong and not to be such fragile anymore..  Actually, I supposed to attend to my primary school gathering at 9pm, but I still cried like a big baby in the office! Anyway, I still manage to attend to the gathering at 10pm after Mr.David accompanied me in the office.

Seriously, I am glad to have my buddies and friends with me during my down time! Seriously thankful to them for keeping the secrets and treasure the trusts I have on them..
Special appreciation to:-

Mr.A, who initially my candidate and now become my brother! Thanks Gor, for listen to me and bear with me although you are facing the same problem with her too.. Thanks for your time and advices, although I know it's superb difficult for you for you are struggling there too.. Thanks for your kindness and generous..

Mr.TWK - complicated relationship.. My candidate's friend's friend.. Thanks boss, your accompanies through text and calls during the office hours seriously touched me and your advices really useful in making the decision.. Your knowledge transfer seriously benefits me and I am glad to have you and your unconditional concerns..

Mr.David, who same as Mr.A, used to be my candidate and now become best buddy! David, thanks for your accompany that night.. Your arrival in the office is seriously touched me, you were tired that night, you are in bad mood too, but you still dropped by and be there for me, silently, besides me.. Thanks for the shoulder, the silence and privacy you gave me.. With your occurrence and concerns, I felt much better after that. And, thanks for be my driver and partner to attend to the gathering.. Seriously, thanks and I honestly appreciate this... Of course, thanks for brought me out to relax and sang out all the dissatisfaction and keep me accompanies.. Scorpio! My favorite horoscope ever!! Thanks!

Mr.Someone, thanks for the advices and acceptance to listen to someone who was insane and crazily in need of answers. Thanks for your patience and calmness and your acceptance on this Scorpio..

Miss P & J, my colleagues and best buddies, both of you, thanks.. Nothing more I can say besides this, both of you knew me well, clear of the incidents and experiences I faced throughout the months and years.. Thanks for being my side and listen to me.. Thanks for being my advisor, my counsellor and my toilet-kaki.. 

Now, everything is ok and under controlled... I have made up my mind on both career and relationship.. I know which one is the best for myself! The sudden awake just refreshing my soul.. That's wonderful and awesome!! Never been such BETTER!!

Ya! I am saying Good-Bye to my hell April and welcome the sunshine May... Though April wasn't that pleasant to me and indeed tortured me a lot, but thanks for all the experiences and ugly truths... I learnt... Without these, I wouldn't know and wouldn't learn these lessons that couldn't be purchased with money... Thanks... Sincerely thankful.. I will keep this in mind, as a reminder to myself, never repeat the same mistakes again in the future.. 

Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps, what happened in April was a preparation for myself  to enter into a total new working environment. Perhaps, it was also aimed to strengthen my emotional and mentality.. No matter what the purpose is, I am glad for the experiences and incidents I had in the past, without these breakthroughs, I am not who I am now... 

Regards,

Rachel in May 2013.. 

Prophecy of Watches

Christmas gift 2012 - SEIKO

It was a total surprise to receive this watch as Christmas present from someone that I never ever expect will have such heart-warming action. Seriously, I am in love with this watch, and even appreciate the meaning behind as well as the efforts of this someone..

However, it's somehow a priming effects to me, now..
A dreadful one...
A heart-breaking one...
An unexpected one...

So, would you curious how could a watch can become a variable to provoke certain hidden feelings or emotions?

So, would you curious about why watch seems to be so unfortune to me?

So, why I would set this post as Prophecy of Watches?

Back to few years back, I received a CASIO watch as my birthday present. Things initially went kind of smooth and lovely, I would say. And then, after some times, something bad happened! And I took quite some times to get myself out of the hell..

And... this time, I received this SEIKO watch as Christmas present.. (2nd watch in my life).. Everything seems alright and lovely and seems everything under control and expectation.. However, shits happened again! Unexpectedly! And this time, this shits seriously affected my emotion and yeah, I am back to the hell, again...

I didn't think much though whether receive watch as present would be a bad sign or whatever.. As times passed, somehow, I believe that, perhaps "watch" is a prophecy of an ending of something I am owning at that moment of time..

So, should I have tell my friends never include "Watch" in the present list to me? Please, please do not ever take away my belongings anymore...

Ya, undeniable, I am still in the shits, still in the self-healing/self-rescuing process, I believe, it will takes me quite some times.. But I will try my best to back to normal.. (hmm, sounds so weird with this "normal" word, lol)

In short, personally, I believe that...

"By receiving a watch as a gift means I am going to lose something SIGNIFICANT in my life"

 

Something I wish my man can do for me

While I'm still working on my assignment, suddenly thought of list down what I wish my man of my life can do for me:

1. Be there for me whenever I need him, even when I need someone to nag on those minor problem in my daily life.
2. Bear with my uncertainties, my unexpected behavior and my coldness without blames.
3. Sit besides me silently when I am crying, without suggest me any solution even after I stop cry until I request for the solution.
4. Accept who am I and give me the unconditional love.
5. Provide me anything that I need in my life upon his abilities, of course.
6. Bear with my temper and pamper me no matter how terrible the situation is.
7. Be my superman and 'superman'.
8. To be continue...

原来 我想你

— 原来 我想念你 —

原来 你的影子在我脑里 挥之不去
原来 你的名字在我心里 留下烙印
原来 你的出现给我生活 带来变化
原来
你有如此大的魅力

原来 对昔日的懵懂 我仍深深自责
原来 对昔日的错过 我仍耿耿于怀
原来 对昔日的爱恋 我仍偷偷怀念
原来
我不曾放下过

原来 没有人能让我向对你一样的 付出真心
原来 没有人能让我向对你一样的 把心敞开
原来 没有人能让我向对你一样的 许下承诺
原来
神秘紫色 我是如此的眷恋

原来 你占据了我整颗心
原来 我中了不能被磨灭的毒
原来 我不能记得忘记
原来
“后悔”是这么写的

只可惜 你我已经擦肩而过了
很可惜 我没有勇气问你一句
原来
错过的 是我最想要的

— 原来 我把心上锁了，钥匙被我弄断了—

Well-kept

No matter how far I go
No matter how long the distances are
No matter how the world had changed
No matter how the sad torn me apart
No matter how....

There is something that I had well-kept all these while..

"You're always in my mind, the unique one, the irreplaceable one, and the impressed one"

记忆

"We are one"

"I want to grow old with you"

"Close"

"我可以"

这几首歌让我会想起给他做得powerpoint slides

记忆再次侵袭

首次让我有想婚的冲动的他

最近不断地出现在脑海里
曾经的一切一切
一幕一幕的在脑里重演
纳闷 倔强 不解
搞什么鬼啦！！！

完整的一面镜子

被逼得亲手将它给砸碎

不舍 破镜重圆

依然敌不过事实

重圆后仍得再次砸碎

彼此的心情严重被影响
无奈问青天

“问什么要让我们相遇相爱但不能相守”

分手再分手的期间
确实闹得有些不愉快

爱着但逼地不得不放手

这种打击 经历过的人会懂

彼此的深爱却惨遭家人的反对与不祝福

不解为什么芝麻般的小事会变成彼此的阻碍

怨恨过 伤感过 迷茫过

生不如死过

曾经我真的以为
他不会在我心中留下点点的记忆

心中决不会给他留点位子

曾经我真的以为

我会很怨恨他 不想再见到他

然而

事实并非如此

他其实早已在我心中扎了根

只是我视而不见

自我反省的日子里

往日与他的记忆

有如课本被一页一页的翻开
每页里的思绪又再一次的在心中澎湃一遍

我明白
毕竟他曾是我真的豁出去深爱过的人
无论经过多少时间的磨砺
昔日的一切点滴
就像酒的沉淀物
一直藏在心田里
越久越浓郁 越久越香醇
干涩 苦甜 香浓
尽管嘴里尝的都是五味杂全
但经由心底酝酿后
出来的感觉总会是甜丝丝的

此刻的我
脑海里出现的是
那年他为我庆祝生日的一切
匆匆忙忙的吃晚餐
饭后到皇后公园谈心
亲手做的提拉米苏
恶作剧的蜡烛
他唱的生日歌
我最爱的蓝玫瑰
大男人的他 肯为了我准备这一切
这回忆
无论经过多少岁月
都不会被磨灭

曾经是有机会再续前缘

可是我拒绝

我知道破镜一旦再重圆

期望一定比以前高

若别人口中以及他在意的事成事实的话

埋怨 责备 抛弃 会是活该

再说 那时的我 很抱歉 我不想回首

可以说我残忍 也可以说我自私
无论心中有多挣扎

我真地不想再次地走回头

我宁愿把机会让给别人

如今

我想起他 我忆起他 我念着他
无奈无论心中的记忆有多折腾

也决不告诉他

只愿他的愿望能事成

以他的能力 他的实力 他的冲劲
他定能成为一位成功的生意人

卡门

歌曲：卡门
歌手：张惠妹 专辑：歌声妹影

[ti:卡门]
[ar:张惠妹]
[al:爱的力量10年情歌最精选]

爱情不过是一种普通的玩意一点也不稀奇
男人不过是一件消谴的东西有什么了不起
爱情不过是一种普通的玩意儿一点也不稀奇
男人不过是一件消谴的东西有什么了不起
什么叫情什么叫意还不是大家自已骗自己
什么叫痴什么叫迷简直是男的女的在做戏
是男人我都喜欢不管穷富和高低
是男人我都抛奔不怕你再有魔力
爱情不过是一种普通的玩意儿一点也不稀奇
男人不过是一件消谴的东西有什么了不起
爱情不过是一种普通的玩意儿一点也不稀奇
男人不过是一件消谴的东西有什么了不起
lanour lamour lamour
什么叫情什么叫意还不是大家自已骗自已
什么叫痴什么叫迷简直男的女的在做戏
是男人我都喜欢不管穷富和高低
是男人我都抛奔不伯你再有魔力
什么叫情什么叫意还不是大家自已骗自己
什么叫痴什么叫迷简直是男的女的在做戏
你要是爱上了我你就自已找晦气
我要是爱上于你你就死在我手里

还是注明一点比较好，免得惹来不必要的麻烦或一大箩筐的解释

最近的我是迷上这首歌，觉得这个词很贴切。。
很潇洒的沦落在爱情游戏里；但，一旦爱上，就会爱到底。
然而，现在的我，说真的。。。
爱，其实不算什么东西，它就是一堂我每天都得上的人生道理课。

爱上这首歌的另一个理由也不过是因为最后的那两句歌词。。
超爱~

虽然我很冷，毅然拒绝他人的追求，但会尽可能撇除不必要的双方伤害。
歌词里的 “你要是爱上了我你就自已找晦气” 对于现在的我确实是很贴切。

接下来的那一句 “我要是爱上于你你就死在我手里”，没那么严重。。
顶多就是我心甘情愿的做你的小女人罢了，依偎在你的怀抱。

如果我真地爱上你，就会毫无保留的爱你。
只要我爱你，我就会爱你100分；如果你有什么差错，分数自然会倒扣。
那时候，不是我的错，而是你的错，是你自己的行为惹得祸，是你自己让分数减少。

如果我真的迷上你，我就不会放弃你。
只要迷上你，只要你有自家的魅力让我崇拜你，哪怕就只是那么丁点的本事，而我也爱上你的话，我不会放弃彼此的感情，直到真的没转弯的余地。

心门

心如止水
不再澎湃

心门锁起
钥匙在哪

不曾收回
在你手上

无名指上
戒指依在

一直相信
一切一切

依然等着

I believe

I believe
Everything that we encountered
Will brings up a change

I believe
Every challenges that we overcame
Will intensify our soul

I believe....

The changes
Either good or bad
Its all depend
To me, I will become better

Yes...

I am evaluating myself

I am learning

I will become better

Good thing will comes after the worse, I believe
May be it will takes loooooooong time
But I will never give up
I will keep on exploring

The scar and the ring
Serve as a painful reminder for myself
The flame remains eternally
So do the promises

I will do everything
Everything to protect
Scar will never exists
Existence is forbidden

柯南一梦

再一次地去了他家，在门口放了信便转身离开。
当时的心情很糟，也很紧张。
毕竟是我做错了。

突然，听见他开门，马上加快脚步，拔腿就跑。 不让他看见。

不久后，手机铃声响了响。
他说他知道我来过，也知道我跑掉了。
天啊！接下来的信息尤其令我更加兴奋！
他原谅我了！！！
当场我大哭了一场，在路边大哭一场。
情绪一来，什么也不管，更不管身边的奇怪眼神。
谢天谢地，也更谢谢他。
我的第二次机会。 我会珍惜。

不知怎么的，我竟然被车撞到了。
被抛得远远的，觉得晕眩。

醒了。
脸上的泪依然还在。
原来，发了一场梦。
只可惜，它只是一场梦。
多美丽的一场梦。

-柯南一梦-

你会看见我的改变

听进去了
我也明白了
大错特错
怪在自己的没心装载

是我的不敏感让彼此的感情有裂痕
是我没有站在你的立场上认真地为你想过
是我将我的看法当作是你的看法
是我的自私我的自以为是

不见棺材不流泪
不到将要失去的时候都不心急
我会改变
你一定会看见的

无名指上的戒指
绝不会拿下
象征着我对你的爱
也是我对你的认真 （它并非只是一个象征，而我更是注重它的意义）

今天的每一句话
都会永远记在心中
会警惕自己
绝不重犯 （重犯的话，必定打包的，我知道）

哪怕日后真得没机会碰面
至少心中还有你
那就足够
我相信你 我等你

时间
会冲淡它
同时 时间
可以让你看见我的改变

我不再哭
我答应你的
我会将哭的力量化为改过的原动力
我会好好反省 改变
你一定会看到的

水里

迷上冲凉的时刻
坐在地上
在莲蓬头下
任水从头上淋到脚趾
我知道这很浪费水源
但最近天气热得可怜
可以的话
我会选择在站在雨中
这是我唯一不需要顾虑的时候
我可以放纵的哭
任由水把我脸上的泪水冲走
在水里，
我的忧郁变得更加的浓密
在水里，
你看不见我的泪
唯有自己清楚
到底脸上的水是自来水或是泪水

我独自在大海里划着船
我并不是失去方向
我只是等待着
我知道我的目的地
我战战兢兢的划着船只
划着。。。等着。。。
我害怕我会失去中心掉进大海里
我害怕大海会将我吞噬
但，也好
至少泪水与海水都是咸的
唯一不同就是
海水没有我眼泪的苦

我渴望我是一条鱼
可以放纵的畅游整片海洋
即使失落的时候
也有大海的拥抱
大海陪我一起哭泣
也将我脸上的泪拭去
而你也不会看见哭泣的我
我会在沉默里哭泣
也会在沉默里死去
大海不会视而不见
它会让我听见海浪声
让我知道它一直陪在我身边

坚持的等待

我习惯了等待
我选择等待
无论多久
我依然坚持我的决定

反复的想着
你可记得你曾说过的话
反复的听着
苏永康的《我愿等》

很多事
我没表明清楚
并不代表我不在意
只是选择用另一个方式爱你

很多话
我没说出口
并不代表我没想法
只是不想给你添加不必要的麻烦

我压抑
我挣扎
我呐喊
我无助

我爱你
牵了手就不曾想过放手
哪怕未来的路有多崎岖
这是我的坚持
这是我的决定

逆向思考

若在这样下去，我会撑不了
可以做的我已经做了
该想的我都想了
不该想的我也都想了
与其在转牛角尖
倒不如逆向思考

不可以再用悲观的角度看待这事
我知道
若继续在悲观里度过
事情一定不会好到哪里去
于事无补

我选择用乐观的角度看待这事
我相信
只要乐观看待
事情必定会有另一番的进展
我希望

我会将这件事当作你外出前的第一个考验
考验彼此是否可以捱过和克服心里的痛
我知道是我的错
我不放弃
不到最后一秒 我都不放弃
“爱是前世的缘 更是今世的考验”
只要能捱过难过心痛
我相信感情会更深

男人永远会将事业放在最前头
女人则将爱情放在最前头
现在的你在为着未来烦恼
我不能再加重你的烦恼
我相信事业与感情
你是可以两者兼具
你是可以好好地handle

我要谢谢你让我懂得怎样更加的爱你和关心你
我要谢谢你让我成长
我要谢谢你让我懂得什么是爱
我要谢谢你让我知道该怎样的爱你和支持你
我要谢谢你让我知道怎样的爱是你向往的

我会继续我应该做的事
但会减少 避免让你增添烦恼
我选择做一个爱你的女人

不经意的事 与 今天的突发事件

每早一睁开眼
总会不经意的望向身边的手机
多么希望能看见你的信息
但，
我知道这是不可能发生的事
因为目前有些事比我更重要

每天，无时无刻
总会不经意的望向屋外
多么盼望你会突然的出现
但，
我知道这是不可能发生的事
因为你既然对我做了那要求
就代表你根本不想见面

每次发呆放空
总会回想起当时的错
多么希望你会知道我是真得很后悔
但，
我并不知道你是否知道
因为我根本联络不上你
————————————————————————————————————————
今天一睁开眼，一如往常，把头别向右边，看一看手机
天啊！看见信息了！
顿时的我是多么的开心，多么的希望会是他得来息
按了按键盘，拜托。。。期待。。。
很失望，并不是他，而是我的朋友
一大早就告诉了我一些别离的话，真地把我吓了一跳
一大早就收到这样的信息，没吓晕已经是不错了
暂时把自己的不开心搁在一旁，给他一些慰问
真得不希望他会做傻事，因为已经察觉有些不妥
下午，手机响了响
另一个朋友问我是否可以联系他
怎么了？不是没事了吗？我说了那么多，怎么现在又找不到人呢？
糟糕，电话打通了，但没人接听！
真得不希望他会因为要报仇而赔上自己的生命，多么不值得
晚上，手机又响起
谢天谢地，是他，他没事了
好在有人及时给他拉了一把，要不然，他就真得掉下去了
希望明天他去的地方可以帮到他
只要他有心接受，一定会有好转的一天
我祝福他。他一定能熬过的
————————————————————————————————————————
快要一个星期了。。。

掩饰不了

我很倔强 我很ging
我不喜欢哭 除非真的很有压力
但，
再怎么倔强的我，再怎么不喜欢哭的我
崩溃了
我掩饰不了心里的痛
总会无缘无故的哭
哭啥？我不知道
就是痛。。。

-深深体会到自责的痛苦-
-好一堂课-

给自己的信

给自己的信：

陈大小姐！你到底要哭几回？怎么你的眼泪那么多啊？现在哭也于事无补了！

从错误中学习了吗？领悟了吗？知道以后说话要更小心了吗？还要再这样任性吗？还要说话不经大脑吗？知道错了吗？后悔了吗？

对一个自己很在乎的人说错话，对吗？不是应该更加的敏感吗？不是应该更加得注意他的感受吗？不是应该更加得清楚他的为人吗？不是应该更加的在乎他的感受吗？你怎么可以忽略这些点？现在，你可体会到深深自责的感受了！活该！

他已经为那件事很烦了，你帮不上什么忙，却还这样任性！应该吗？怎么可以那么不体谅？他生气你，是应该的！你不是应该是那个清楚他为人的人吗？怎么你可以在这十万火急的时候这样做？

好好反省吧！！

答案

-很恐怖的安静-

想了很多遍

有了答案

仍然是那个

认定

你呢？

机会

亲手摧毁。。。
错过这一回
就错过幸福
心理的后悔
真的不舒服

这次是生命里的遗憾
后悔没有把握拥有
亲手将幸福摧毁
其中痛苦滋味
唯有自己明了

伤人伤己
犯贱
活该
败给自己

越过。。。
越过了禁地
伤害已造成

弄你伤心
我不好受
深深的自责

事态严重
铁一般的事实
期待你的原谅
似如没转弯的余地

我的失败。。。
“爱一个人不一定要拥有他，但，拥有爱的人的时候就一定要好好的爱他”
“爱一个人本来就应该不畏惧的表态”
对，爱一个人本就不应该畏惧或吝啬的表现你对他的爱
但，我却失败于吝啬表现，失败于我的烂性格
拥有的时候，不珍惜，故意惹毛他
失去后，后悔不已

太迟。。。
回头一看
天真的举动让人觉得可笑
每次都把你惹得哭笑不得
我却因此而沾沾自喜

数着脚步
我给你的伤害胜于爱戴
你一次一次的包容我
我却不曾认真地改过

事情演变成这样
一切源自于我的刁蛮自私
事态严重 方觉悟
一切变得太迟

渴望。。。
你喜欢眼睁睁的注视着我
而我喜欢偷偷地望着你
我渴望被你爱着
我喜欢深深的爱着你

机会。。。
我知道是我的错
漫长的冷漠是我应得的
只想说：可以给我一次机会吗？

自责

68小时的煎熬
时间无情的迈进第70小时

从未有过的自责
深深的自责

心
有如掉入无底深洞

思想
有如陷入万劫不复