自恋狂

手机里，648 张照片
手提电脑里，1218张照片
2006年的年头至今，我已经拍了1218张照片！
真的不敢相信！！
呵呵呵~~

我自认是一个爱玩自拍的女生（erm..我是女生么？）
我真地以为我的自拍照会多过我与别人一起拍的照片
但，结果显示出
呵呵呵，几乎一样多！

突然好想分享一些照片
一些我不曾分享的照片
哈哈哈~~

好！

旅程开始啦！

我的自拍照以及单人照！呵呵呵呵~

guess what? 这可是我自己绑的哟。我花了整整3个小时绑的！哈哈哈哈！!好有成就感!

斗鸡眼！不好意识，就是玩玩罢了。一个人在酒店里，无聊嘛，就酱咯！okla, 我知道，很丑！

没什么，回家路程，就是有点无聊。 可怜的妈妈，要载我这个刁蛮的女儿回家。

新买的彩色隐形眼镜，我的第一对隐形眼镜！糟糕，怎么觉得我的样子怪怪的？

-在朋友的宿舍- 戴眼镜的我，是不是看起来比较斯文呢？但，我可不好欺负哟！

看什么看？相不相信我会咬你呢？不要挑战我，你会后悔的！

熬夜，样子有些恐怖，不可以见人。怎么眼睛看起来那么无神？糟糕！

调皮的我！吐出舌头，闭上一只眼睛，感觉如何？（感觉像智障）

其实它的focus是在于眼睫毛。Fasio睫毛膏, 赞！尽管搓揉你的眼睛，也不会有什么尴尬的事发生。
好累哟，好想睡觉。但，又睡不着。好大一个黑眼袋！哎哟，怎么见人啦！

第一次让人拍我的单人照。谢谢。感觉不错。呵呵呵~

我与朋友们的照片！大头照和生活照。

中学时的朋友。关系：情侣-彭先生和陈小姐；林先生和我。（我的脸很圆啦）

在外婆家- 我的妹妹。很难得我们可以一起拍大头照。

小学同学-罗先生。一位很有梦想以及口才很好的男生。加油！

中学时认识的朋友-钟先生。他可是能写出一手好字！真得很美！

我的初恋-林先生。一位出色的机械操员。再见亦是朋友。

大学同学-陈先生。一位很搞笑的男生。他的冷笑话可真的是一流！

1-U - 一位我崇拜的朋友，张先生。独自一个人在海外，要好好照顾自己！想你~

坦白说，我忘记这位小妹妹的名字了。真得很不好意思。但，我很喜欢她。

终于有的休息了，谢小姐（右一）好像很无奈哟。 我呢（左一）则趁着有时间发几则短训。

呵呵呵呵~嘟着嘴巴干啥？我好想念这个baby. (T.T)

Lecture Hall, AE-1- chyi chyi， 想念你呐。好好加油哟！

After poster presentation- 哎哟，什么事哦？怎么我一点也不觉得害羞？

Exhibition Area - presentation 完毕，是时候留张照片作纪念了。

After oral presentation during research colloqium- 我的黄脸公，谢小姐。怎么我好像被下着了？

SR1.2-presentation完毕，是时候拍照了。（左起）我-陈小姐，黄脸公-谢小姐，Baby [J]-叶小姐。

1-U, Forever21- 宝贝，你看那里哟？镜头不在那里啦。>.<

中秋晚会- 可怜，要演一个5岁的小孩子，还得背着spiderman的书包。哈哈哈

Main Block, Loyal Foyer- 玩亲亲。事先声明，我们可不是雷丝边。

Main Block, Lower Foyer - 宝贝，没有人能够像你一样的把我心房打开。你是我唯一相信的人。

好朋友的女朋友- 陈小姐。很美，也很友善。一位很会打交道的女孩。

中学时的朋友- 陈小姐。一位很忠诚于感情， 很会打扮的女孩。

朋友的朋友- Jessica. 一位看似很懦弱的女孩，但，它却是一位很坚强很独立的女孩。

中学毕业后，大家都很少聚在一起了。大家都各忙各的。真的托林先生的福，要不然可真的没什么机会碰面了。大家一起加油吧!

乌龟家族的老大-张先生。一位唱歌满好听，有责任感的男人。

我的老公-Mandy. 一位很放得开的女生。

-旅程结束-

大马眼 - eye on Malaysia-

哎哟，为什么不是紫色的？

但，它真得很美，也很珍贵！

我终于登上你了！！

好有成就感哟！！ 哈哈哈~




本小姐一向来都是没什么耐性，更别说是要我排队或是等人。对不起，我就是不喜欢浪费我的时间在做这些事。所以，要与我约会，请你买好票，订好位子，准时载我。我就是没耐性等人。你要说我没情趣也罢，说我骄傲也罢，我就是不喜欢。这就是我！ 怎样？不爽吗？不喜欢就别靠近我。要靠近我？那就得接受我的刁难。

但，奇迹般的，我竟然花了将近半个小时的时间在排队。

真的好谢谢那位陪我到哪儿的他，谢谢他逗我开心，与我聊个天南地北 until forget the time。 谢谢你！但不要再弄得我脸红了！！ >.<


还好我没有畏高症！要不然真的很难享受高高在上的感觉。

谢谢你的陪伴你的笑话，要不然， 我真的会一直盯着手表看，and 数着我到底花了多久时间在等。








突然想起陈奕迅的‘幸福摩天轮’

为什么人们就是喜欢登上摩天轮？摩天轮真的象征着幸福吗?

可惜，马来西亚的摩天轮即将被拆了，那么，人们的幸福是否也即将面临结束呢？

幸福，真的应该要把握以及珍惜。。。




哎哟，为什么不识紫色？

哈哈，不好意思，我慢了，所以错过了。

再过几天，后面的东东就会不见了，titiwangsa 的人潮依然会那么多吗？

我

突然觉得很lost

我觉得很累

我觉得无助

我想逃避

我想安静

突然觉得很down

我觉得惆怅

我觉得束缚

我想放弃

我想飞翔

黑色白色

我属于灰色

你的他的

我属于自己的

10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1

TEN ways to win my heart:

1. Understand me, but not read through me
2. Tolerate with me, but not over pleasing me
3. Trust me regardless what people comment on me
4. Hug me tightly as if scare I will run away from you
5. I’m your personal listener and financial planner
6. Be there for me whenever I need your help badly
7. Massage for me, only for me
8. Love me, unconditional love
9. Allow me to explore and treasure my life, no restriction, I need freedom badly
10. Be yourself, show me your real self, as genuine as you can

NINE ways to annoy me:

1. When you think you are so understand me
2. When you are busy about my life
3. When you take my things without ask the permission from me
4. When you talk something wrong but insist you are right
5. When you over dependent on me
6. When you blame on me without any vivid evidence
7. When you break your promise
8. When you approach me with evil intention or motives
9. When you remain silent on the task you don’t know how to work on

EIGHT things I stressed in my life:

1. Sincerity
2. Knowledge
3. Efforts
4. Genuineness
5. Love
6. Trust
7. Forgiveness
8. Right

SEVEN essences in my relationship:

1. Honest
2. Freedom, Right
3. Manners
4. Privacy
5. Emotional intimacy
6. Communication
7. Understanding

SIX of my favorite lessons:

1. Take one at one time
2. Do not ever preoccupied with stabilities, be aware of unexpected outcomes
3. Love and forgiveness
4. Mr. Right should be someone who able to help you build up a stronger identity and treasure your strengths
5. No-one can harm ourselves unless we give them the chances to hurt us
6. Help people but not to create dependency

FIVE ways to comfort me when I’m sad:

1. Sit beside me silently and prepare tissues for me, just in case I need it
2. Do not lecture me firmly, but use counseling skills to confront my confusion
3. Listen to my nags and never stop me from nagging or story-telling
4. Stand still and let me kick you and bite you
5. Hug me and kiss on my forehead

FOUR things I’m afraid of:

1. Alone in the dark
2. Insects and animals
3. Losing my uniqueness
4. Lost in my own world

THREE persons that I wouldn’t give up all the time:

1. Myself
2. Family members
3. My significant one

TWO of my favorite items on table:

1. Laptop
2. Stereo Headphone

ONE thing I want to do right now:

S-L-E-E-P.

Cant' live better without you

Haha... it's my turn to say so:" I CAN'T LIVE BETTER WITHOUT YOU" Needless to guess who I refer to, it's you, my baby [J]ocey.

People always asked:"How could I live without you?" But they always forgotten that they came to this world alone and they need to learn to handle things independently. No one could determine what kinds of life we will have and at the same time, we live for ourselves instead of for others. And thus, for you and me, both of us know WE MANAGE TO LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER,STILL, just the matter of WE CAN'T LIVE BETTER WITHOUT EACH OTHER.

Recently, there were something happened on me, and, once again I put myself into the state of confusion. I'm doubt with my decision and need someone to talk badly. Need confrontation badly at that moment [counselor needed =p].

I had been struggled for couples of days, without disclosed the details to others because I don't think they can help me. The more I think, the more I ruminate. You know la, you know how worse the situation will become if the one keep ruminating on something over and over again, like no end in the world. Honestly, my days were suck in the previous week.

Finally... it's really finally, I decided to call you instead of sms with you. I'm glad that you are with me when I need to talk badly. It was the first time I called someone and chatted for so long time. Haha, you took my first time. blek* Even though you are not beside me, but I could feel the emotional intimacies and supports from you. Aiyo, back to KL asap la, so damn miss you lo. (T.T)

I couldn't recall since when we became such close, and don even able to recall how much crazy things we crapped in the past. What I know is, when I got you in my life, my life will be better. I can't believe I said this to you, LOL.

You're right, my Mr.Right should be someone who can helps me to build up a stronger identity and treasure my strengths. When talked to you, I found myself. Aiyo... why you are not a man, or why I'm not a man, or else, sure I will choose to attach to you. wink* AIks... so bad, both of us are girls. aiyayaya.... sweat*

p/s: we are not lesbian. sigh, feel sien in explaning in this jor.

Stand still Rachel!

Suddenly feel like wanna escape from my life, wanna to ignore everything that happens around me, my life had overwhelmed by my own confusion. Sounds so funny and ridiculous? Hahaha, indeed, I feel the same too. I'm laughing at myself. "What a failure".

There is no one able to make the decision for me, I m the one who have the right and I'm the one who supposed to make the decision for myself. I know this, and thus, I need time to organize my thoughts and think probably what I want actually. Can't let others influence on my decision anymore.

Within this year, year 2007, I kept on thinking and searching my identity, what a joke, I still not able to see through on myself, ain't for others. As I always tell others, "do not ever try to understand me, because you just cant make it, I'm just unpredictable"

STAND STILL RACHEL, HOLD TIGHT ON YOUR DECISION!! LIVE FOR YOUR OWN.

Needless to wait for me

Still remember what you told me before? You said:"I don care if now is the suitable time for me to confess, what I know is I need to appreciate the time I have and grab any opportunities to say and do what I want to do". But what's happening now? You choose to tell me on the day you think its special. You rather wait for the time instead of tell me your decision once you got it. What you said is incongruent with what you plan. Afterall, you're still self-centered. You do what you think its correct.

The issues we argue before will still remain there, it wont be disappeared. Facts are facts, we cant change out surname though, unless we are re-born. Chances had been given to you before, its just the matter you never appreciate them. You choose to give up on me due to your family and the issues they brought up at last. Thus, for sure, you will repeat it again when they come out the same issues in future, and, I'll sad for another time relatively.

I'm not longer irrational, love isn't everything in my relationship anymore. Even though love is important in a relationship, but the one who love me needs to respect and loves my parents as well, because they are the one who brought me to this world. Without them, I wont be here. If the one who loves me don't know how to loves and respects my parents, the sincerity and love he lays on me are really questionable.

The memories we had coundn't be deleted, but, I rather choose to keep them as a memory than put myself into the darkness again. Thus, needless to wait for me anymore. I wont repeat the mistake for twice. If I really back to your side, this represent I'm going to give you another chance to hurt me again and I'm going to fool myself for twice too. It;s my fault to hesitate when you told me so, I shouldn't have such hesitation. I shouldn't hurt the one who love me now and trying his best to out effort on our relationship. To be frank, I felt disappointed on you as you spoiled the hopes you gave on me and abused the trust I put on you. And the most important thing is, the lvoe feelings that I laid on you had faded since the day we argue and broke up. There is no "U-turn" in relationship.

And, now, I announce that I decide to enjoy my present and let go of the past.

如果一个男人真的爱你

我喜欢这篇“文章”， 但也作了些许的改变

如果一个男人真的爱你
他的手机会为你24小时开机
在你最需要他的时候
可以随时找到他
因为他爱你
所以会时时担心你

如果一个男人爱你
他会很自豪的告诉他的朋友与家人
你是他最爱的女人
当然并不是时时挂在嘴上
而是用一种行动去告诉别人
你是他最爱的女人！
因为有了你
他觉得很骄傲
无论你是不是真的很优秀

如果一个男人真的爱你
他会把除了工作之外的很多时间都给你
当然会偶尔和朋友去聚会
因为他想时时刻刻都看见你

如果一个男人真的爱你
他会毫不吝啬的给你物质上的付出
（我并不是说所有的女孩子都应该物质化,这种付出是他心甘情愿的）
因为他觉得他所有辛苦的努力
就是为了让你过上很幸福的生活
他爱你
不想让你过的那么艰苦

如果一个男人真的爱你
他绝对不会骂你
在你很任性的时候任你发泄
当你任性过去的时候
会很委屈的说：
“宝贝,我又作错什么了？你可以告诉我,我一定改,千万不要生气,那样会把身体气坏的”

如果一个男人真的爱你
他就不在乎陪你逛街会浪费他多少出去自由的机会
因为他甘愿失去那种所谓的自由
他珍惜能和你一起的时间

如果一个男人真的爱你
无论你们在一起多久
都会陪你 一起爬山,看海,看星星,看日落
因为他知道你渴望这样的浪漫
他不想让你觉得时间是爱情的坟墓

如果一个男人真的爱你
他绝对不会嚷嚷着叫你去减肥
但是这个时候你自己一定要去健康减肥
因为苗条的女人确实可以叫人赏心悦目
因为你的健康是他最关心的

如果一个男人真的爱你
他不会留恋与网络与别的小妹眉甜言蜜语
因为对你他都有说不完的爱
哪有那心思和别人废话

如果 一个男人真的爱你
他不会还和前女友很密切联系
虽说分手了还是朋友
在她困难的时候可以去帮助她
但是不会超过朋友的底线

如果一个男人真的爱你
他在每天很辛苦的工作回到家的时候
会抱着你说：
“老婆,我回来了”
他爱你,他绝对不会把不快乐带给你！

如果一个男人真的爱你
他会在清晨上班的时候
亲吻你的眼睛
满足的说：
“宝贝,我上班去了！”

如果一个男人真的爱你
他绝对不会忍心背叛你
无论出于什么样的动机。。
因为在他眼里,你是最美的。。
即便你不是

如果一个男人真的爱你
他会在你故意说要离开的时候
撒娇的不和你分开
而在你真的想离开的时候
就会放你走
即便他真的不愿意放手
因为他爱你
只希望你幸福。。。

如果一个男人真的爱你
那么你会比他的事业更重要
他绝对不会以事业为借口推脱你
更不会以事业为理由把你给甩了

如果一个男人真的爱你
他不会陪这所谓的客户去做所谓的应酬
(很多男人把找小姐说是谈生意需要）
他宁可不要这个业务
世界上又不是只有这个业务

如果一个男人真的爱你
他绝对不会一次次把你推向那冰冷的手术台
更不会让你一个人孤孤单单

如果一个男人真得很爱你
他会很在乎他给你许下的承诺
但
他不会随意的许下承诺
因为他不想让你失望

...

confusing..... confusing..... confusing.....
can I have someone to tell me if the decision I made is a correct chosen?
I need reassurance so badly!!
Once again, fooling myself again and lost in my own world again.

I need counseling.
Will go for counseling with Dr.B during holiday.
Who am I?
What I want?
I need time to re-consider them again and again.

I was irrational that time, I know.

笑看人生

人，总得经历生老病死，这是生命的一个循环
也许，某个他正在努力的抗病魔
也许，某个他已经在这循环的正中央
也许，某个他比我们早经历这循环
也许，也许。。。。。

人生不如意的事十之八九
既然生命有它自己的规律和原则
那么
为什么不将那不完美的是变成完美？
为什么那么执著于某件事？
放开自己，胸膛也会同时敞开

她的离去
对，是真得很可惜， 很伤心
但
伤感并不代表眼泪一定要在眼眶里打转
事情已经发生
我们还能做些什么？
说笑聊个东南西北都只是要分散注意力
总在某个话题逗留
对大家多没好处
反之
只会勾起大家的伤心

听到消息
确实很伤心 愣在哪儿
聚在一起
聊个你我他 分散注意力
伤心事难免的
但我们依然得走我们自己的路
笑看人生
世界自然会漂亮很多
人也不会太执著

message to baby [J]

To baby [J]:

If I'm a man, I'll marry you. Unfortunately, I'm not.
If girl could married girl, I'll marry you, for sure.

Nothing is perfect in the world, but what makes us perfect is our FRIENDSHIP
-Once friend, forever friend-
Sounds so lame? fake? You know me well than others, you know I meant it

Back to reality, you're my best friend (should be more than that)
Undeniable, you're a tough and smart girl, but sometimes tend to hide your feelings from others
Especially to the recent matter, I just don know how could you keep it for such a long period of time without telling anyone
Feel so bad and frustrated when listened to that matter
Feel so guilty and bad of my careless
I thought you'll be okay when with him
But things turn up with disappoitments
From now on, need to protect you more and sense for you (ngiek ngiek, I bet you know what i mean with the 'sense')

The faker (yes, its you) go away from her
You're abusing the trust she relied on you
You're not only a faker, but a pretender
Let's see what kind of consequences you'll receive later in life

[J], listen to your heart
Follow the intuition and the signals
And, decide for yourself
I'll pray for you =)

-Rachel-

不寻常的我

喜欢对着你口是心非
喜欢看着你迷人的眼睛
喜欢感受你那无私的爱
喜欢你的宽宏大量
人家就是喜欢你嘛~

真得很不寻常
到底怎么了?
我竟然想要撒娇!
难道一个男子性格的我
也有变成女人的一天？
呵呵呵呵~

对！
我真地想撒娇，就只为你撒娇
认识我的人都晓得
要我撒娇，哼！下半辈子吧！
但，很自然的
我竟想对着你，撒嗲一下
做你唯一的宝贝

我要抱抱， 就只要你的拥抱
快快快，我要抱抱啦！

I want hug hug~

I want hug hug~
Sweetest hug I ever had
A hug from you is enough to make me feel warm
A hug from you is enough to make me feel loved
Regardless when I need you, for sure you will be there for me

I want hug hug~
"nah, hug hug"
I never expected will get your reply in the early morning
muacks~
Thanks for pampering me
Thanks for loving me
And, thanks GOD for letting me, this evil girl, to know you, this amazing guy

What I see from you?
First, the importance of not change our uniqueness to suit somebody else
Second, genuineness of one-self and open-hearted
Third, accept our family background and who we are, no blames occur
Fourth, no restriction in relationship, give out the freedom she supposed to has
Fifth, willingness to communicate
Sixth, confident and fully trust on me
Seventh, tolerance and accept the fact that I'll still go out with guys even though I got you
Eighth, a man with a mature thoughts but act like a child in front of me, 'xiao hai zi'
-I believe, what I see from you may increase as the time pass =) -

nobody

Im nobody to you
I sense this
But
Why still drag me along these while?
Why behave like care me much and love me much?
Waiting for you seems like waiting for nobody
F-I-N-E
From now on, you are nobody to me.
Fooling myself again

“我”在哪里？

今天，驾着车子， 在学院附近绕了Nth次， 就只是为了找parking。。。
越是在原地绕，心情就越烦躁。。。
干脆点， 将车子停在路边。。。
深呼吸。。。 拿起身边的纸和笔。。。
将心里的矛盾一次过的写出来。。。
就这样，写者。。。 哭着。。。 烦着。。。

我到底怎么了?
我的目标变得不再清晰
我的世界变得很无所谓
我的脾气呢?
曾经的我到底在哪里？
原来
我变了。。。
看着眼前的镜子
我发觉我真的变了。。。
心态变了。。。
凡是尽力就好， 不再勉强自己
但，
这似乎不再是我自己。。。

最近
几乎都是托着疲惫的身躯作任何事
驾车。。。 读书。。。 做功课。。。 甚至于处事。。。
我到底怎么了！！！

我变得很坦白
变得很直接
我变得比以前还要沉默
变得很安静

似乎
没有谁能理解我的心情
我想倾诉
但
内心的我在作怪
选择将问题，将情绪往心里藏
我想哭泣
但
我要的肩膀不在身边

我常告诉想要了解我的人
我的喜好并不是那么好抓摸
其他女孩喜欢的并不代表我也会喜欢
在世人眼里
女孩应该会喜欢。。。
粉红色 婉转 帅 有钱 疯狂的追求者
但
对不起 我不是
请别把这些放在我身上
我不喜欢粉红色 而是紫色或深色
我不喜欢婉转 而是坦率直接
我不喜欢帅男人 而是可以依偎的男人 （在我字典里，没有样貌的‘帅’只有‘善用才华’的帅）
我不喜欢有钱的男人 你的钱买不了我的心
用一般的‘追女秘籍’在我身上
只会让你饱受钉子

有时候
我真得很对不起那些爱我的人 想保护我的人
但
很对不起
目前来说 我真的还没准备好
我害怕
我变得怕承诺
请原谅我
我真得很怕你给的承诺
同时更怕你要我给的承诺
我很怕又在次受伤害
同时我也更加得害怕伤害到你
我害怕我不能像你爱我一样的爱你
“对不起 谢谢”
是我唯一想要说的话
谢谢你对我的好
但
我真的不想浪费你们的时间

驾着车
突然感觉很惆怅
突然很想变的坏一点
怎么了？
我又似乎不知道自己是谁了

这几个月里
我真的不知到自己怎么了
你们眼前的我
看似很开心
但
真实地我
你们可懂麽？

我不懂得善用言语来表达我的心情
唯有透过字句
又或是将它藏在心底
我知道
这是我的问题
就当作我不想分享吧
我沉默
我无言
无所谓
我是我

喜欢驾车的感觉
在车里
我就是我
听着自己喜欢的曲子
手指 心跳 都跟随着音律而跳动
好自在
在车里
我活在自己的世界里
我可以无束缚的做自己喜欢的事
我可以静静的思考
唯独在车里
我就是我

没有人晓得
其实我很喜欢驾着车的速度
其实我喜欢单手驾车
其实我喜欢操控驾驶盘
其实我喜欢驾着车在路上恍
其实。。。。
我都喜欢。。

人生百态
美的 丑的 好的 坏的 真的 假的
都看进眼里
不做回应 不代表接受
提出疑问 不代表反对
你是你
他是他
我是我

“为什么你那么奇怪？”
“为什么你那么直接？”
“为什么你不觉得他帅？”
“为什么你不笑？”
“为什么。。。。。。。？”
别问我为什么
我不会也不懂得怎样回答你
我就是我

我承认是我有问题
我一直想证明给别人看
我是乖的
我是听话的
我是值得的
我是可以的
我是。。。
原来
我多么的不希望让别人看到我的弱点

这些年来
我尽我所能做到最好
我不随意得违背父母的意思
我 在控制我的思想 我的行为
似乎我为了他人而活
“我” 到底在哪里？

“哎哟，很忙，真地想跳楼”
朋友对我说
我知道她没那个意思
她只是开玩笑
“你想跳楼？我想撞车死掉”
我回答
很傻 我懂

我真的累了 真的累了
我真的想哭 为了自己而哭
我好想依靠在某人的肩膀
可惜他不在
我确实是在哭泣
为了我的所作所为哭泣 我的思想而哭泣
好悲哀

我好想找回我自己
“我”到底在哪里？

lost in my own world

I din mean to write this post accordingly, they are random paragraphes, I just type out what in my mind.

I'm lost. I don know who am I actually. Everything seems so confusing, and out of my control.
I am the eldest in family. Since Standard 3, I tend to restrict myself not to do something that may against my parents' wishes. I restrict myself need to be a role model for siblings, so, I never really play joke with them or making fun with them. To them, I'm an arrogant, rigid, and super strict sister. They never dare to play with me, and I seldom smile with them even though they tell me some funny jokes. Besides, I restrict myself need to ask permission from parents when I want to go out with someone else so that my siblings will follow the same; I restrict myself have to do well in my studies so that my siblings will try their best in studies as well and parents would not need to worry on me; I restrict myself have to be reach home before 12am if I went out with friends; I restrict myself from not being naive and childish, so, I tend to do something and think things in more mature ways. And, I think, and what my friends told me, may be because of what my dad taught me when I was in childhood, I become more thoughtful than those who same age with me.

My parents put all of their hopes on me, they wish I may success in my future life, and thus, they invest alot of money into my studies. Because Im the eldest in the family and parents put most of the hopes on me, and thus they punish me more harder than my siblings relatively. I could feel the pressure, I know they want me to be tough so that they wont worry on me as much as my siblings. I need to be perfect , I know, and know how to protect myself. And because of this, I tend to keep what had happened in my life to myself, especially those negative events. I NEVER share it with anyone, even my parents. I just don want them to worry on me, I will settle the problems by self if I able to. I will only ask for help if I really cant solve it. May be because of this, I become so reserve and tend to be cool to others to protect myself. Frankly, I don really talk when home.

Parents saw me cried once at home. I cried because I cant stand anymore, I just burst out in front of them, really collapsed, they just kept shake their head and kept asked me why, why I will be like that, why don I share my problems with them, why want to push self to the limits, why want to repress self-feelings and so forth. I know I failed, parents are heart broken due to my stupid behaviors and they worry on me again. A failure.

I restrict myself from doing many things, I din mean to blame on anyone, this is my choice, I have to responsible on them. And, all these while, I don think it would be a problem in my life and I happy with that.

But, its indeed a problem now. I become so reserve from others, I din really share my thoughts with anyone. Personally, I do not like to talk much actually, and thus, people complained I'm TOO cool and TOO cold. When my friends asked hows my life, I used to reply them I'm ok, ntg special happened, simply answer them something and brings in some other topics into the conversations. Even my parents, I din really share my thoughts with them, and never tell them what difficulties I facing even when they ask me.

I thought the way I restrict myself wouldnt be a problem instead will help me, but, its indeed contained various side effects, as in, I become humor-less, cold, cool, serious, and don know how to express my feelings. I do not like to talk, I prefer to write; I do not like to share, I prefer to reserve them for self; I do not like to tell ppl what I worry on, I prefer to solve it by myself.

The way I restrict myself cause my life become so meaningless and my behaviors reinforced my parents to restrict my social life. As the days passed by and I grown, I realise my social circle really small, I have missed out many things. I want my own freedom. I want to go out anytime as I like, I want to have a close relationship with my friends, I want to increase my social life. But, on the other hand, I don want to break my parents' heart. Dillemma. What can I do? I just want my life back.

Recently I really like whatever, everything seems so whatever to me, regardless its urgent or casual, everything just seems no point to me, I just don give a damn to them. The situation becomes worse, my situation getting worse. I'm sick, I think. Exhausted with myself? May be.

Participated in an experiment at college last week, the experimenters showed us some comedy video clips. Every participants laugh out loud when watched it, but, I DO NOT LAUGH AT ALL. The experimenter is my friend, he asked me "huh? you don think it is funny?" after the experiment over. This question made me think of, am I really that abnormal? Am I really that cool and cold? Am I really that humor-less? Am I........ Recall back, when people watch 'Mr.Bean', they will laugh for sure, but to me, frankly, I NEVER laugh whenever I watch it. What in my mind was "What so funny? It's so crap.." Even cartoons or animations, I NEVER laugh at all! Believe it anot? People tend to say I got no childhood. Is there something wrong with me? Side effects of repressing myself from enjoying life? Psychological imbalance?

SEDDENLY FEEL THAT, I'M LOST IN MY OWN WORLD... ><

What IF

Read my baby’s blog just now, and get amazed by her answer! Her answers are so funny yet so ‘real-life’. COOL!!!

On the other hand, I have different answers for some questions, and thus, I copy the questions and answered them in my own way (well, I had get the permission from my baby, she APPROVED, so, I am not plagiarized)

She called. Asked. Random questions.

(Q1) What if he knows you have got the right one now instead of him?
A1: Well, the condition is obvious enough, since he knows I got the right one now, so just leave me alone.
best friends?
(Q2) What if he treats you as good as other ？
A2: Ok, since there is no any differences, so, lets be friend instead of couples, fair enough!

(Q3) What if his best friend loves him like you do?
A3: I can’t control what his best friends probably will do on him, but he should knows the boundaries of friendship. I do not want to be a teacher to teach him how to settle this kind of condition step-by-step. Annoying. Please use his mind to think think think and -T-H-I-N-K!

(Q4) What if his academic performance not as good as yours?
A4: Academic performance isnt the thing I love on him, as long as he knows what is his strength and well-used on his own strengths, then will be good enough. Academic performance doesnt mean anything, his attitude towards life and me are the matter to me.

(Q5) What if he takes advantage of you?
Q5: If he really loves me, and I love him, I don really care if he takes advantage of me. I am willing to sacrifice for him. Want to take the advantage? Take la then.

(Q6) What if he promises or tells that he plans to get you something he can’t afford right now in the future?
A6: Well, I do not really trust with promises. Someone promised me a lot that he will do this and that and asked me to put trust on him, but in the end, turns up with broke up. As long as he really loves me, he can just prove it to me via his actions, not the promises. Promises are just nothing to me. Promises = “PRO-MISS” (professional in missing)

(Q7) What if he asks you to marry him now?
A7: If I really love him and he is the Mr. Right to me, why not? Let’s get married now. Come on baby! Well, after all, have to consider how he proposes and when he proposes, if not unique enough, please get off, if in the wrong timing, deserve the consequences then. LOL! Still dare to ask me to marry you?

(Q8) What if he follows what others advise him instead of taking your suggestions seriously?
A8: If this incident happened occasionally, it would not be a problem to me, perhaps my suggestions not acceptable. But, if this condition happens all the time, what for to ask for my suggestions, just ask others, that’s it! Do not take my suggestions seriously means that he does not respect me, follows what others advise him means he is a follower.

(Q9) What if he gets jealous seeing you with another best guy friend?
A9: Do not tell me jealous means care or love, that’s so ridiculous, a nonsense statement. I have my own social circle, and he is my best friend, what’s wrong if I interact with him? You can have your own best girl friends, but I can’t? What a reason! Unacceptable! If I have to stop from interacting with my males’ friend after being with him, okay, please go off, I’M NOT YOURS ANYMORE.

(Q10) What if he borrows money from you?
A10: It’s ok, depend on the amount and the reason he gives to me. If I think the reason is acceptable, then it wouldn't be a problem. But, after all, the decision is rely on the amount of trustworthy I had on him, still. If he does not have any bad record previously, it would not be a problem to borrow money from me.

(Q11) What if he apologizes with flowers as gift & sincerity?
A11: Okay, he would be totally disqualified. When in the honey-moon stage, he gives flowers; when want to apology, gives flowers too, so, where is the point? The flower represents nothing. And thus, flowers mean nothing to me, even though I am happy to receive flowers, but, I prefer to receive something more valuable and special if he wants to apology to me. Yet, be practical man!

(Q12) What if he kisses you in public?
A12: Depend on where, when, and why. Or else, deserve the consequences. Being the focus of the public represents romantic? Bullshit. If he does not have a valid reason on why he did so, what he probably will get are S-L-A-P-S!!!

(Q13) What if he doesn't love you anymore?
A13: Simple, if doesnt love me anymore, just end the relationship, no point to drag it. Be frank instead of being a ‘relationship-dragger'. Take out your gut and be F-R-A-N-K.

(Q14) What if he gambles?
A14: If he gambles during the festival time or occasionally for fun, it’s ok to me. If he is a full-time gambler, it’s okay, married someone else.

(Q15) What if he asks for cohabitation?
A15: No way, as Jocey said, according to Interactive Psych, the probabilities of end up a relationship among cohabitating couples are high. So, no way, I don want to risk my own marriage. Well, guai guai, lets get 'cohabitate' after we married then. LOL~

(Q16)What if he's of another race?
A16: So? What’s wrong with that? No racism. But, sorry, I can’t accept though.

(Q17) What if he's of another religion?
A17: Erm... no comment, i don think this issue would be an issue.

(Q18) What if he runs illegal business?
A18: Hmmm, I recognized this question, Jocey asked me before when she was in my car. I had forgotten what I asked her. Well, possibly I will leave him regardless I know it before or after in the relationship, I just can’t accept this happen.

(Q19) What if he proposes to you in public with a huge diamond ring?
A19: I said I hate to be the attention of others in the public!!! The social pressure is strong, so, do not ever expect I will accept the propose in the public. I will just walk away and leave him alone there. This is not romantic.

(Q20) What if he's moving over to another country (e.g. S'pore) as required by working condition?
A20: If we are not yet married, I will agree he moves over to another country to further his career path into more advanced. If we are married, but do not have child yet, I will still make the same decision, move for your good and same to the family. But, if we are married, and we have children, come on, let’s pray together.

(Q21) What if he insists to stay with his parents even though you both get married?
A21: No comments. It’s totally fine to me regardless live with his parents or only 2-peoples-world. Both are accpetable.

(Q22) What if he wants kids but you don't?
A22: Well, I like kids, and thought of want to give birth to 2 kids. But, since the day I watched the child-birth video clip on YOU-TUBE, they’re really freak me off, and thus, it become a phobia to me. I’m still considering if want to have own kids in future.

(Q23) What if he buys a house (single/double storey... whatever) for marriage with 3 rooms only?
A23: So far so good, he may buys house with 3 rooms for marriage for the first few years, one as the study or working room, one as master room, and one as his back-up room. LOL. But, frankly, 3 rooms wouldn’t be enough for a family, what about my kids? Where they supposed to sleep and study? AT LEAST need 4 rooms – one is master room, one as his back-up room, one as working room and another one for kid’s room. Well, seriously, it's doesnt matter how big size the house is, as long as we stay in comfortably and happy, then it would be more than enough d.

(Q24) What if he's announced bankcrupt after marriage?
A24: Won’t leave him for sure. Money doesn’t mean the intensity of our marriage, so, bankcrupt only wat, accept it then since it’s happened. No point to ask for divorce, or argue on it. That’s call S-T-U-P-I-D if the couple do so.

朋友

曾经父亲对我说过，我们应该将朋友分成9大类。那时的我，依然是个懵懂的小孩，并不清楚为何父亲要我将朋友分成那么多种，我不晓得为什么非要我将朋友的种类分的清清楚楚。父亲似乎见我似懂非懂的傻样子，所以便向我解释这9种朋友的区别。。。

(1) 点头朋友
这种朋友是纯属于非深交的朋友。当彼此遇见对方的时候，只是单纯地点 点个头，打打招呼， 再附上一个微笑。也许大家没怎么交谈过；也许只是一位萍水相逢的朋友；也许大家认识对方，但却觉得对方不应该在自己的生活圈子里出现。

(2) 招手朋友
这种朋友是属于比较有交谈的一种。第一，可以说是点头朋友的进一步 - 大家也许遇见了，觉得应该礼貌点，应该要有点交谈，所以便招个手谈谈天。第二，也许对这个人有更深一层的了解或觉得这是一位理想的朋友，所以想要有一些进一步的交谈。

(3) 谈天朋友
这种朋友是纯聊天的。在生活圈子里，我们时常会遇见这种朋友，我们会聊个天南地北，聊得非常痛快，但就是永远不会触碰到私事。

(4) 同学
简单。 同学就是同学，不管是否同班或同级，大家就只是同学而已。奇怪吧？非也非也。其实这并不奇怪，因为大家对称呼有所不同。看，有些人打电话给你或是找你就只是单单问功课，其他的事，他们一句也懒得问你。就算他们看到你心情差，只要能从你这儿得到想要的知识或资料，他们什么也不管，就随便问一问“还好吧？”“得空吗？”，然后就单刀直入的问他们要的事，其他的免谈。这就是所谓的同学。可恶吧？
其实同学也可以成为朋友的depend on how u categorized them.

(5) 好朋友
看到这个字眼就知道大家有不浅的交情。好朋友愿意陪同彼此度过困难的日子，等等。重要的是愿意用真诚相待，不刻意隐瞒，可以体谅对方的处境而且不会强迫友人跟随自己的节奏。但，每个好朋友并非能成为知己。大家都很诚实都很真，本应顺理成章的成为知己，但就是绝少了些什么。也许就是缺少了了解吧！

(6) 坏朋友
简单不过啦。 坏朋友就是会教唆你以及尝试控制你的行为。一位好的朋友是不会控制以及教唆我们的，他们不会要自己的朋友跟随自己的脚步走，他们会希望朋友有自己快乐的人生。而坏朋友呢，则是希望别人跟随在他们后面。比较普遍的我想大家都懂吧，就是一些教他人嫖，淫，烟，酒等等。也许我们生活中会有些坏习惯的朋友，但，并非每个都是坏朋友，也许他们又自个儿的苦衷。只要我们不受影响就足够了，出淤泥而不染。
路是我们自己的，选择也是我们做出的。我们都有自己一套的衡量器， 我们都晓得谁才是我们要交的朋友。

(7)普通朋友
就是combination of点头朋友，招手朋友以及谈天朋友。普普通通的交个朋友。

(8) 交心朋友
Those who 愿意交出诚意以及心出来。也许他们是我们的好朋友，而我们也非常相信他们的人格以及诚信，所以大家都放心交出彼此的心来维持彼此的友谊。。

(9) 知己
并不是每个人都能找到自己的知己。这也可以说是比较困难达到的一个阶段。知己就是一位你非常信任或完全信任的一位朋友，你深信他们不会背叛你也不会出卖以及愚弄你的人；而且你深信他或她会是你的明路灯，你的指南针。当你想要倾诉苦水的时候，他们会是最理想不过的对象。

我很庆幸父亲教我这个朋友的区别，虽然我并不是完全跟随每个categories，但至少它能让我比较早分辨出自己要的朋友。 Thanks ya dad！！

Questioning

I have lots of things in my mind actually, I'm so wanna to share all of them, wanna to express my feelings, but… don know why, all of them were just stuck in the middle of my mind… WHY?? What's going wrong? I wonder to know bout it…

Well, sometimes really confused that:

(1) What makes a man and what makes a woman… Ppl used said that woman makes by water, because she could cry easily… But what about men? What makes them? If women could cry easily related with what make them, then izzit means that men shouldnt cry since they are not make by water? Funny.

(2) Why ppl who beyond the age of getting married always complained that their life are incomplete without another one in their life? Why they seem to be so worried about the matter why they get into marriage so late Would they become more happier IF there is someone occur in their life then? Why ppl just cant stay happy and enjoy with their single life? Why must involved another one? Izzit a NEED? Social pressure? Compliance?

(3) Why he still wanna to grab her away from the guy even though he knew that the girl indeed in a relationship? Well, normally when ppl facing such situation, the following statements sure appear in their mind: “She is still single and available if she not yet married; She still got another options to choose IF she haven’t married yet” What u think with these statements? To me, it is a rubbish!! It's just too funny. Why want to be the 3rd party of other relationship? Why want to create an oppoturnity for them to cause up betrayal? But surprisingly, ppl always claimed that “love is not the matter of fair and justice, so, whenever u meet someone who u really love with, just go ahead and woo them, don miss out the chance, don bother too much, do it for ur own happiness and etc”

(4) Why we have conflict? Problem? As well as the dilemma in life? Well, it will sounds so freak if none of us ppl experience any three of these. Since so, why ppl still want to complain them again and again ya? Nothing better to do than complaining? Human… sigh.. contradicting.. and demending.

(5) What determined a good gf? A good bf? A good friend? A good listener? Different ppl possessed different perspectives towards the same things… So, never be judgemental, never expect ppl will just behave as the way u like or the way u prefer. Do not always stay inside the comfort zone, accept others no matter what. The qualifications that u set might not as similar as other, so, do not blame other not understand on you, instead, you are the one who supposed to self-reflect, try to accept others and try to understand others. Don't be too self-centered. We are not born to please you and treat u good.

Updated* STOP PULLING ME INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

AGAIN!! Haih!
STOP PUSH THE BALL TO ME ANYMORE!

I really speechless and frustrated. Speechless because I don know what else should I say, oopss, supposed be I never have the intention to explain to them who are so childish to suspect this and that. Frustrated because I be their topic of arguement for years. I do nothing, but people blame on me. That's so ridiculuos! Out of sense! Nonsense! I just cant take this! Go away from me, and LEAVE ME ALONE.

Please la, don simply blame someone or suspect someone if you really got no evidence. Especially me! It's so annoying! He is your boyfriend, not mine, and I'm not interested on him. He is NOT MY CUP OF TEA! The most irritating is u suspect and even comfirmed that I fall into him. What a world!

PLEASE DON PULL ME INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP AGAIN AND DON'T EVER SAID I AFTER HIM! That's impossible and freaky funny. You're just full of imagination. Should I praise your talent-creativity- then? Hahaha, NOWAY! Once again, HE IS NOT MY CUP OF TEA, tea of coffee, whatever.

Hey, he is you boyfriend, not mine. You are the one who supposed to look after him, you should suspect him instead of me, I do ntg, and we merely friend. FRIEND ONLY! Can u get the message? WE ARE ONLY F-R-I-E-N-D! Nothing more than that. I got my own target, I know who I want. And, I got my own principal, I will never want to be the third party of anyone's relationship.

updated*
Well, I know that they actually not confident with their man, and I know I'm actually a threat to them. Happy or sad? May be u may think I should feel happy with it, but then is it the feeling I should have? Yes, being a threat to other supposed to be a happy matter, but not on this matter. Anyway, God bless them.

天蝎座的我

那天，after met with one friend at low yat, 我心血来朝的 买了一本书 -- 《星座求职落点分析》 by 陈铁君。 哈哈哈，一本RM6.00 的书，超便宜的，赞~！know what? because got 50% discount! hahaha!!!

今天，读了其中一位朋友给我的comment， 方恍然大悟，原来，我竟然忘记自己是一只天蝎。 谢谢你提醒了我这一点。

星座，我几乎忘了有星座这回事。我并不迷信，只是觉得它很有趣。

well, 今天的主题并不是我买了一本书或是我记得自己是只天蝎，而是我同意作者对天蝎座的解剖。根据书中记载：

“天蝎座可以说是十二星座中，最深不可测的星座。蝎子喜欢黑暗，讨厌阳光，本性会攻击，因此报复的特性也特别强。

受到守护星冥王星的影响，使得蝎子拥有很强烈的神秘直觉，能对很暗和危险的事，有最直接的体验。天蝎座的用情至深，也是十二星座最令人感佩的。他的热情和深刻的体验情感，配上耐人的体力，能量无人能急。

天蝎座的人通常精明能干，而且多半都有深藏不露的一面。 善于掩饰和隐藏， 是他们面对外界的一种防备方式。占有欲强但不轻易相信他人，使得他们在日常生活中，会尽量维持某种特定的形象，或是制造神秘感。他们不愿意一眼被人看穿，自己却如有x光般的能力，将身边的人看透。

天蝎座不但感情丰富，同时也极能为理性。他们有着外人无法理解的冷静和沈着之感，对于人生最大的禁忌和恐惧，如：性和死亡，也都拥有异于常人的胆识和见解。

天蝎的性需求，是爆发强大感情能量的动力之一。但是它能掩饰自己的喜恶和需求，让人看不见自己真正的心理欲念。违心之论，在天蝎座的人看来，不但没有任何的不自在，反而是生存的必要手段。

主观意识强的天蝎座，骨子里的操控和领导欲望很强，他自己能够隐藏，却讨厌别人说谎。没有固定的性格模式可寻，也不主动地剖析表达自我，这使得外人很难真正的看清天蝎的全貌。也许你觉得他应该是什么样的人，真正相处时，会发现原来他是另一种样子，等到你终于有点把握，或是已经适应了的时候，他又会再出现另一种面目。

天蝎座的深沈和内捻，使他高深莫测的主要原因。由于天性并不乐观，对于人性和生命的黑暗又多有体会，因此毁灭性也很强。许多天蝎座都有自毁的倾向，报复心态会转化成恨意，在心中停凝一辈子。豁然痛苦。感情上的伤害，尤其令他难过。

骄傲又勇敢的天蝎座，有着自己的一套处世哲学。他能忍受孤独的日子，也不喜欢热闹。同伴意识经常强过群体的重要性。天蝎座需要伴，但不一定喜欢热闹，极重视隐私的天蝎座，不会主动地与身边的人建立起桥梁，虚伪矫饰的人际关系，他更不屑一顾。不过只要能获得天蝎的信任，他们一生忠于朋友，忠于工作和伴侣。”

我觉得，作者对天蝎的解剖还蛮准的。至少有90%。 我不知道其他的天蝎会怎样看，但，personally, 我是觉得蛮准的。

第一，我坦诚我真的拥有些直觉， 而且还蛮准， 尤其是感情方面。另一方面，我喜欢观察人，所以，从观察中，我可以更加的肯定我的直觉。 看穿别人？呵呵，我不晓得我是否有这样的能力么，但，对于感情方面，我可以告诉你，我真的可以从你的小动作看穿你得hidden meaning.

第二，我还蛮讨厌阳光的。 原因很简单，我好怕晒黑。 哈哈！！ 够直接了吧？其实，白天让我觉得很累， 因为人性的丑陋，弱点全都出现在白天。为了继续生存，需要用不同的策略去tackle不同的人， 戴不同的面具。真得很累！！！ 为什么要这么辛苦？

第三，我会掩饰自己，至于有多厉害，我真的不晓得，只要我不想让那人知道，那，他就怎样也不可能会知道。连门都没！！ 别说我虚伪，我并没有，我依然真诚地对待每个人，只是有时并不想让人知道我想什么，so, 唯有将其想法或自己给隐藏起来。 深不可测是我的保护色..

第四，呵呵， 对！只要我对你有感觉，我就会对你很好。只要你让我觉得值得信赖， 值得爱的朋友，我就会忠于这段感情。友情如此，爱情也如此。另一方面，只要让我发觉你对我不忠，或背叛我，regardless friendship or romance relationship, 我绝不容许自己在受第二次同样的上。或许，给以前的我，我会很坚决的放弃这段友情，但，现在得我并不会这样做。反之，我仍然会与你做朋友，但，请你别奢望我俩的感情会像以前一样了， 皆因一切都变了。至于爱情，一旦我发现你背叛我， 别无选择，分手是唯一选择。

第五，对！我没有固定的性格，所以别奢望你可以完全了解我。这是不可能的事！哈哈哈哈！！

第六，冷静？ Hmmm， 应该说我冷血吧！其实应该说我之所以会格外冷静是因为我知道每个人都不同，知道每件事都有特定的解决方式。 最重要的是，我知道唯有冷静方能解决问题。calm and silent are the best weapons ever! 没有冷静，哪来清净? 若没有冷静，只有烦躁，这并不是一个好的策略，这并不能帮你看清事情，不能帮你解决问题，更不能帮你自己看清楚你要的到底是什么。冷血是我另一个保护自己的方式！

第七，报复? 我没那么傻。 到目前来说，没有一个人让我有报复的心态。 报复是一件很累的事，coz 你需要想你到底要怎样报复，到底要用怎样的策略，到底怎样才不会让那个人知道你其实是在报仇-ing。为什么要浪费脑汁想这些无聊的事？为什么不能放了自己？ 为什么仍把自己锁在痛苦中？释放自己吧！

第八，虚伪的人，请你远离我的生活，如果可以的话。但，很可悲的，我知道这是不可能的事情，所以， 就让我看看你到底有多虚伪。 让我看看你到底有什么本领。尽你所能的伪装自己吧，时间一到，你就会知道我们的友情到底值多少俩。少的可悲！well, 我不能控制the amount of 虚伪的人出现在我生活，但我可以选择放弃这段与虚伪的人所建造起来的‘友情’。 假的可悲!!

最后，敢爱敢恨！我能做到，只是看我要不要！多一个朋友胜于多个敌人，所以一天还没到最后一分钟，又或是事情还没那么严重，我是不会恨一个人。但，别得寸进尺！我的忍耐程度是有限的，然而，我会尽我所能不去为些琐碎事情而烦。我没那么犯贱。 我仍然有我的原则！

天蝎座，好！

什么东西呀！

蓝色代表你们告诉我的东东，问我的问题。
紫色代表我的想法，一个我没告诉你们的想法。


“你觉得我有伤害你吗？”
你问我？我到底要怎么回答？重要吗？

“你知道我对你的感觉的呀。”
知道又如何？我仍然在怀疑着。

“你觉得我在伤害你吗？”
做了才问，到底是什么意思？后知后觉？

“对不起，我伤害了你”
伤害已造成，说对不起有什么用？

“如果。。。这样那样。。。”
假设性的问题我不答。没意思！

“你知道为什么我会。。”
我知道，我老早就预测到你会这样做，只是不懂几时。

“我希望你可以。。。”
你希望并不代表我同意。也许有一天我会，也许。。

“你可以告诉我你在想什么吗？”
没想什么，只是觉得好笑。这不是一个好的决定。

“huh? 为什么不告诉我？”
告诉你有用吗？重要吗？事情会变吗?

“你可以告诉我‘不重要’是什么意思？”
不重要就是不重要，没什么意思。

“我不晓得”
你不晓得，难道我了吗？

“你觉得我怎样？”
我觉得你怎样并不重要，重要的是你知道你要怎样。

“我感觉到你在生气了。。”
你错了，我没生气，只是无言。

"你要生气，要骂，要打，都可以。。”
有用吗？这样会让你好过吗？这样会让你心安吗？

“对不起”
不重要了，一切变得不再重要。

“我不想的。。”
事情已发生，多说无畏。没意思！


我感觉被背叛，被摆上台。活生生的被解剖！
感觉上--〉朋友是白当的， 没意思！

忘记简单吗？

那天我问了一个人，学习简单还是忘记简单？
他回答我说：“当然是忘记比较难，但还是得看要忘记什么。如果是一个人的话，那就真的很难去忘记！”
他回答得没错，我也有同样的看法！

“忘了吧！”对着一些琐碎事，确实简单的多；
但，
对你尤其重要的事或人，纵使你再怎么努力要将它忘了，你还是不能及时的删除那些回忆。
往日的一切皆像电影情节般不停地围绕着你的生活。
一切都栽在回忆当中。
你越是想忘记，它就越清晰。
你越是想压抑，它就越反抗。
它越是反抗，你就越是辛苦。
所以，“忘了吧！” 说得挺容易，做的时候就唉声叹气。

忘记，倒需要一些勇气，毕竟它是我们曾经历过的事情。
忘记简单吗？
潇洒的你或许会说简单；
但，我会说：“很难！远比我想像中难”
这并不代表我是一个不潇洒的人，我是！
认识我的人知道我是，但，有些事情震得不能勉强！
更别说勉强自己忘记。。。

忘记对我而言，真的很难很难！！

也许有一天我会忘记！

好笑的自己

“你说的话总那么好听
你爱不爱 我不能确定
也许你只把它当游戏
我却没那么聪明”

这就是今天我唱的一首歌
一首贴切的歌
一首轻松的歌
一首我不当面唱给你听的歌

你的来讯 总让我失去平衡
我总为了你的字句
你的关心
傻傻的微笑
不停的笑

你的开心 就是我的开心

你的不开心

很自然的 就成了我的悲

虽然是一句很老土的话

但 它却如此的真实

原来
我已在不知不觉中
为你着了迷
重了你的毒 爱情的毒

然而
时间的捉弄
前方的阻碍
都将我耍得团团转

该或不该
总在一瞬间
“既来之 则安之”
我总这样的告诉自己

我累了
真的累了

我真的以为我很坚强
但
我被我自己给骗了
好一个笑话！

I Knew I Loved You

A song that I love right now, meaningful and so inspiration!!

I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden)

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

I found myself

Finally, God bless, I found 'myself', the real Rachel is back!!! I can be my real self, needless to suppress my own feelings anymore and suffer alone. All the sadness and sufferness were gone, and I'm able to see things clear right now. What happened in the past just make it as memories, it cant be changed nor start it over again, past is past, let it be. For now, justa appreciate what going happen the next and thanks to all my friends that help me alot when I'm sad. Thanks u guys, u all are so lovely, muakcs~

After the incident, I have to start a new journey all over again, and remind myself not to repeat the same mistake, I have to learn something from every mistake that I made. Without learning from mistakes, I will never grow, I will always be the naive girl. No way!!

Looking for something and someone that can brighten my life is what I do right now. Hanging around with friends is what I enjoy everytime, especially when bowl -lou yeh, dai siu, 5 yi tai, and 3 suk gong are my best playmate, ngiek ngiek =) Chit-chat with a friend who in SA now is a 'job' that I will never miss to do nowadays, keep in touch is the best thing that we can do for each other right now. Things will happen when the time is reached, just let it be. But I wish there is a miracle between us.

Lost again

I cant stop myself from missing you, I know it's kinda stupid to say so and act so, but I really lost in controlling myself. I wonder how long I could stand for this situation.

29 ways to make your girl smile??

1． Tell her she is beautiful and blink your eye-lids 100 times per second.
• What? Blink eye-lids 100 times per second? Huh! I hope that you won’t get eye muscle cramp! Please la, it looks so creepy k?

2． Hold her hand at any moment…even if it’s just for a second.
• Yes! Perhaps you can use UHU glue, and then you won’t lose your hand on hers.

3． Hug her from behind.
• Especially for me, Hahaha!!! I love this so much! So sweet! So Warm! But only restricted to the one I love!

4． Leave her voice message to wake up or just go to sleep.
• Yup! Don’t be lazy to do so even though it’s just a simple message! Of course, do it with sincere! It would brighten her day and warm her heart! Put little effort everyday into the relationship to strengthen your relationship.

5． Wrestle with her =)
• But let her win! Pretend as a weaker. Then catch an opportunity to kiss her, ha-ha, she would be shocked and you would win in the wrestling then! Hahaha~

6． Don’t go hang out with your ex when she’s not with you, you might not realize how badly it hurts her. You should instead hang out with your ex when you’re dating your current at the same time that would maybe make her happy.
• What? Crazy izzit? Date with ex and current gf at the same time? Who would be happy? Stupid! Nonsense! If your girl do the same to you, would you be happy? Same reason! Rubbish!

7． If you’re talking to another girl, when you’re done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her… Let her know she’s yours and they aren’t.
• Replied him “sorry, I don know you. Please don touch me, you are so dirty!”

8． Write her notes or call her just to say “hi”
• And wait for her reply as in “rubbish asshole”

9． Introduce her to your friends.
• Build a good friendship with his friends and hang out with them. Hahaha, create some chance for self!

10. Play with her hair, build a hair castle.
• Shopping spree with his credit cards, and he would be ‘happy’ whenever he receive the monthly bill.

11. Pick her up (she loves it) and throw her down (she’s crazy for it)
• Ya, throw her on floor, then see how much she hates you!

12. Get upset of another guy touches her and she doesn’t like it… Tells her the guy belongs to you
• Hahaha! Ya, say so, then she would copy your style and tell you the girl you talk to is belongs to her.

13. Make her laugh…do some dirty dance that ought to make her laugh…
• Dirty dance? Gigolo? Hahah!

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms…
• Then fells the incredible numb the next morning…go on…this called romantic! Hahaha!

15. If she’s mad at you, kiss her…then tell her…It’s over!
• Stand still and let her kick on you! Then she would be happy since there is someone willing to let her to torture!

16. If you care about her, TELL HER: “I cared about you!” done, then leave…
• Leave? Huh! Do it, then you would lose your girl! Stupid strategy! Stay beside her silently rather than just leave!

17. Every guy should give their girl 3 things: a stuffed animal (she’ll hug it every time she goes to sleep), jewelry (she’ll treasure it forever), and one of his t-shirts (she’ll most likely wear it to bed) or sweatshirts sprayed with his cologne!! And flowers or something occasionally.
• Stuffed animal and t-shirt during the passion period. One jewelry every year. A bouquet of flower on every festival. Thing that a guy should gives to his girl is your HEART!!! Sincerity and trustworthy are all the matters in love.

18. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you’re alone.
• No pretend in the relationship. Sincere and faithful are all the matters. Relationship of a pretender would not last eternally.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile…that’ll give her an idea how stupid you are.
• Look in his eyes and tells him you are pregnant, see how he reacts! A great surprise to him.

20. Hang out with her on weekends…hang out with others girls every different weekdays.
• Date with him on day, hang out with other guys every nights! Balance!

21. Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)
• Drink all the contaminated acidic rain…and die together!

22. Kiss her just for the heck of it…turn her on…so you could get in bed…
• Flirt with him and turn his flame on, leave him when he wants sex!

23. If you’re listening to music, let her listen too… If you’re eating, let her eat too… If you’re bathing, let her bathe.
• If you have money, give her all your salary. If you have more than one credit card, give the rest to her and keep one for self. Set no boundaries on their expenses.

24. Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don’t care so call even if you only talk for a minute.
• Girls do not necessarily need to have hours long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick “hello” and some daily concerns.

25. Give her what she wants.
• Your money… Your house… Your car… Your fortune.. Your life!

26. Recognize the small things… they usually mean the most…
• Males concern their big business, but females concern the feels.

27. Don’t hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she’ll feel left out…
• Feel left out? Sorry, that’s merely plain jealousy, k? Which planet these girls from?

28. Hang out with her whenever you are free and you should be free to hang out with girl friend all the time…
• Erm, agree, freedom is needed.

29. If you care about her.. Show her your skills
• Skills? What skills? Ain’t the skill on bed!